Why can't I switch off, even on holiday?

Why is my body still on alert when nothing is wrong?

Have you seen meerkats in a group? One of them climbs to the top of a rock and stands in rapt attention. Ears up, eyes wide open, body tight, listening for any cue of danger. Having that one meerkat on watch is what lets the others eat, play and doze off. And they take turns.

Leaders and parents often become the meerkat on the rock, looking out for everyone at home and at work. Sometimes taking turns is not an option. Sometimes we find it hard to trust anyone else to stand there for us.

So the "standing on the rock" physiology becomes the default setting. Even after we have climbed down, our bodies stay stiff, ears up, ready to react.

That state is a fail-safe switch, meant only for emergencies. With overuse it can get stuck on "ON", and the whole world starts to feel like a threat waiting to happen.

Why can I not relax, even on holiday?

Holidays change the structure and the schedule, and a slower pace means more of what sits underneath can come up. That is why rest can feel worse, not better.

If you find yourself fidgety and restless on holiday, or using the time to read up on work instead of relaxing and connecting, that is a sign your nervous system needs a reset.

What does it look like at work?

It does not look like obvious anxiety or depression. I call it functional freeze: running flawless meetings, getting straight A's at life, while your system silently screams.

You are always overprepared. You come to meetings with more data than anyone asked for. You overexplain. You check a message over and over before you press send. You cannot relax into your successes or take a compliment. And you stay "on" after you get home, at the cost of the people there.

Why have breathing, journaling and meditation not fixed it?

Your internal alarm (run by the amygdala, your brain's threat detector) is stuck on, and no amount of gratitude lists will reset it.

This is why therapy stops working when you leave the room, journals collect dust, meditation makes you more anxious, and mindfulness feels impossible.

To truly heal, you need to visit where the chronic stress actually is: in your body.

What changes when the alarm resets?

Look at the meerkats that are not on the rock. They are eating, playing and sleeping. In that state connection feels available, the world feels largely safe, pleasure becomes possible, and slowing down becomes possible.

The work is not to never stand on the rock. It is learning when to get on it and when to get off, and making the return to safety a priority.